Grandchildren are often one of the most cherished joys of growing older and their arrival is often highly anticipated. When a grandchild dies, many grandparents feel strong and unexpected emotions.
Grandparents can access support, including accessing grandparent specific support groups through Red Nose on 1300 308 307.
This may include contacting relatives or friends, shopping, preparing meals, caring for other children, or helping financially. Be mindful that some parents (particularly those with no other children) may find comfort in the routine of housework. Ask first and provide choices before assisting.
Unless specifically requested to do so, don’t take over any arrangements being made for the baby. Putting away the baby’s things and planning the funeral are often important parts of the grieving process; some parents may want help with these, others may not.
If there is a baptism, blessing, funeral or memorial service, your attendance or participation can be very important.
This shows parents that you see their baby as an individual whose life had value and meaning.
Don’t be afraid to show how much the death of the baby has affected you. You don’t always have to be strong for the parents. If you cry, you are really saying, “I miss them too” and that is important.
As time goes on, bereaved parents will appreciate you remembering significant days or special milestones with a phone call or card. By acknowledging their baby, you are showing the parents that their baby lives on in the hearts and minds of others. This can be just as important 10 or 50 years from now as it is today.
Some of your family members may have also experienced a loss.
You may find the sharing of their experience a great source of support.
For those whose loss was many years ago, things were very different in the past. Mothers and fathers were often expected to hide their grief and not talk about their baby, to simply move on.
This didn’t work well for the many parents and they are now reaching out for support to help them manage their long-held grief.
If your loss has triggered feelings like these in those around you then you can encourage them to contact Red Nose for assistance and support.
SOURCE : THIS INFORMATION WAS PREPARED FOR SMS4DADS BY RED NOSE
Richard’s research revealed possible long-term negative impacts on the children of dads with mental health issues. Fathers’ depressive symptoms in the first year after the birth predicted behaviour problems in their children years later.
“If dads’ mental health has such a dramatic impact then we need to be screening dads for depression, not just mums,” Richard explains.
In response to these limitations, Richard and his team have designed a smart-phone based program that allows mobile connection for new and expectant dads.
Participants receive texts containing information and links, and self-report their mood. If the mood tracker identifies dads as needing extra support, they will be offered a phone call from a counsellor trained in this area.
Following the success of the pilot of the SMS4dads program, Funding was received to enable a National roll-out.
“When dad’s miss antenatal classes or activities, they also miss out on contact and links to other people. They may never get the chance to say to anyone, look I’m really stressed,” he points out.
“SMS4dads is a way of bringing dads into the health system and keeping them linked in with services and support,” explains Richard.
Richard credits a varied career, a talented and innovative team, and much life experience for affording him the insight needed to address the challenges related to actively engaging dads.
After completing his masters in Medical Science, studying epidemiology, Richard earned his PhD focusing on fathers and attachment.
“Fathers are invisible in many places, and that is endemic. Not because people dislike fathers, but because the system is set up to be focused on mothers.”
Some services and organisations are aware of the need to engage dads, but have been unsuccessful in their attempts.
“When people are challenged about this, they generally want dads involved,” Richard affirms.
“Often, however, they just don’t know how to do it.”
Richard works with health professionals on issues related to fathers, and has delivered many antenatal programs for expectant dads.
He credits his own family with giving him an understanding of the role of fathers needed to make his work relevant.
“I have three daughters and two stepdaughters,”
“My kids would say they taught me just about everything I know and they’d be right. They’ve taught me a lot, and still do.”
Richard’s research revealed possible long-term negative impacts on the children of dads with mental health issues. Fathers’ depressive symptoms in the first year after the birth predicted behaviour problems in their children years later.
“If dads’ mental health has such a dramatic impact then we need to be screening dads for depression, not just mums,” Richard explains.
In response to these limitations, Richard and his team have designed a smart-phone based program that allows mobile connection for new and expectant dads.
Participants receive texts containing information and links, and self-report their mood. If the mood tracker identifies dads as needing extra support, they will be offered a phone call from a counsellor trained in this area.
Following the success of the pilot of the SMS4dads program, Funding was received to enable a National roll-out.
“When dad’s miss antenatal classes or activities, they also miss out on contact and links to other people. They may never get the chance to say to anyone, look I’m really stressed,” he points out.
“SMS4dads is a way of bringing dads into the health system and keeping them linked in with services and support,” explains Richard.