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As well as the emotional distress of their loss many women are also coping with changes that are occurring to their bodies. It takes time for women to return to full health physically.
It can also be difficult for women to get the rest, nutrition and activity they need to recover when they are dealing with their grief.
Women’s bodies go through a process of change and recovery after childbirth. They may experience vaginal bleeding, their breast milk will come in and their uterus will gradually return to normal size.
They may also be recovering from procedures such as epidurals, episiotomies, caesareans or other medical conditions and interventions associated with pregnancy.
Medical follow-up
Medical follow-up is important for your partner’s health and well-being. Your partner’s doctor, clinic or community nurse should follow-up within six weeks of your baby’s birth. You may want to prepare questions you wish to ask of health professionals.
It can be distressing returning to the doctor’s surgery for this visit. It may be possible to arrange a home visit or an appointment when the surgery or clinic is less busy. Being there or keeping in touch on the day can help your partner get through this.
Your partner should get urgent medical attention if she experiences concerns such as:
Medication
Your partner needs time to recover both emotionally and physically. Medications may be helpful in some circumstances, but they can also get in the way of the grieving process. Medications are not usually needed.
Bleeding
Vaginal bleeding usually continues for one to three weeks, gradually becoming lighter. It is advisable to use sanitary napkins (pads) at this time rather than tampons. Your partner should seek medical advice if they experience heavy bleeding or strong pain.
Lactation
See below under miscarriage.
Medical follow-up is important to ensure that your partners general state of health is good and their uterus has returned to normal.
This follow-up should be carried out within 6 weeks of the miscarriage by your doctor, early discharge nurse or community nurse.
Your partner should get urgent medical attention if she experiences concerns such as:
Anaemia or infections
Some women who experience a lot of blood loss during miscarriage become anaemic. This makes recovery more difficult and they may require medications and/or dietary supplements. Antibiotics may be prescribed following miscarriage to treat or prevent infection.
Bleeding
Vaginal bleeding usually continues for 7-21 days, gradually becoming lighter. It is advisable to use sanitary napkins (pads) at this time rather than tampons. Your partner should seek medical advice if they experience heavy bleeding or strong pain.
Lactation
Breast milk is unlikely to occur if the pregnancy is less than fourteen weeks duration.
Within two to three days of your baby’s birth your partner’s breasts will produce milk. Full breasts may leak following an embrace, hearing the cry of a baby or when thinking about your baby. The breasts can be sensitive to touch and may become painful and uncomfortable. Production of milk is distressing for some mothers and comforting for others. Some feel that their milk is the last link they have to their baby.
Breast milk can be suppressed by avoiding stimulation of the breasts and wearing a firm bra both day and night. Painful breasts are often relieved by taking warm showers, the application of chilled cabbage leaves and cold compresses, and using pillows for support. Small expressions of milk may be necessary to relieve discomfort; a gradual reduction in the expression of milk will suppress ongoing production.
Breast milk can also be suppressed through the use of prescription medication. Your partner’s doctor can explain these.
Tender lumps or red areas on your partner’s breasts may indicate a blocked duct or mastitis. If this occurs your partner should be encouraged to seek medical advice.
Sexual intercourse
Medical staff may suggest a period of time before mum’s body will be physically ready to resume sexual intercourse. However, you will also need to decide, as a couple, when is best for you. Your love for each other can, of course, be expressed in other ways.
This article was prepared using extracts from Stillbirth and Neonatal death1.
The full text is available online or contact Red Nose Grief and Loss Services on 1300 308 307 for a printed version.
REFERENCE
1. Ford, D., Richardson, R., Robertson, S-E., Stammers, R., Oxlade, E., Carter, J. & SIDS and Kids. (2016). Stillbirth and Neonatal death: A Booklet By and for Parents whose Baby is Stillborn or Dies soon after Birth. Malvern, Vic.: SIDS and Kids. (Original work published 2004 entitled Treasured Babies).
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT This information was prepared for SMS4dads by Red Nose
Richard’s research revealed possible long-term negative impacts on the children of dads with mental health issues. Fathers’ depressive symptoms in the first year after the birth predicted behaviour problems in their children years later.
“If dads’ mental health has such a dramatic impact then we need to be screening dads for depression, not just mums,” Richard explains.
In response to these limitations, Richard and his team have designed a smart-phone based program that allows mobile connection for new and expectant dads.
Participants receive texts containing information and links, and self-report their mood. If the mood tracker identifies dads as needing extra support, they will be offered a phone call from a counsellor trained in this area.
Following the success of the pilot of the SMS4dads program, Funding was received to enable a National roll-out.
“When dad’s miss antenatal classes or activities, they also miss out on contact and links to other people. They may never get the chance to say to anyone, look I’m really stressed,” he points out.
“SMS4dads is a way of bringing dads into the health system and keeping them linked in with services and support,” explains Richard.
Richard credits a varied career, a talented and innovative team, and much life experience for affording him the insight needed to address the challenges related to actively engaging dads.
After completing his masters in Medical Science, studying epidemiology, Richard earned his PhD focusing on fathers and attachment.
“Fathers are invisible in many places, and that is endemic. Not because people dislike fathers, but because the system is set up to be focused on mothers.”
Some services and organisations are aware of the need to engage dads, but have been unsuccessful in their attempts.
“When people are challenged about this, they generally want dads involved,” Richard affirms.
“Often, however, they just don’t know how to do it.”
Richard works with health professionals on issues related to fathers, and has delivered many antenatal programs for expectant dads.
He credits his own family with giving him an understanding of the role of fathers needed to make his work relevant.
“I have three daughters and two stepdaughters,”
“My kids would say they taught me just about everything I know and they’d be right. They’ve taught me a lot, and still do.”
Richard’s research revealed possible long-term negative impacts on the children of dads with mental health issues. Fathers’ depressive symptoms in the first year after the birth predicted behaviour problems in their children years later.
“If dads’ mental health has such a dramatic impact then we need to be screening dads for depression, not just mums,” Richard explains.
In response to these limitations, Richard and his team have designed a smart-phone based program that allows mobile connection for new and expectant dads.
Participants receive texts containing information and links, and self-report their mood. If the mood tracker identifies dads as needing extra support, they will be offered a phone call from a counsellor trained in this area.
Following the success of the pilot of the SMS4dads program, Funding was received to enable a National roll-out.
“When dad’s miss antenatal classes or activities, they also miss out on contact and links to other people. They may never get the chance to say to anyone, look I’m really stressed,” he points out.
“SMS4dads is a way of bringing dads into the health system and keeping them linked in with services and support,” explains Richard.