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You may be feeling numb, shocked, disappointed, anxious, confused, sad or angry. These grief reactions are a normal and natural response to the death of a loved and wanted baby. This grief can be physically exhausting, and you may feel tired, sick and unable to cope for a period of time.
Fathers may try to ignore their grief in order to protect their partner and keep everyday life functioning – but that’s not always helpful in the long run.
Give yourself time and space to grieve. There is no need to feel guilty about taking some personal time to process your thoughts and emotions
Many fathers take parental leave or reduce their work hours
You may find it helpful to take a step back from other obligations outside the family unit
Keep doing activities that provide you with energy and comfort during this time. If exercise works for you, then you should make time to fit that in
Accept practical support if it is offered by family and friends. You may not have to do everything yourself — give yourself credit for what you are doing. Letting others do things for your family lets them show their love and support
Accept your own feelings. Many people have preconceived ideas about how they might deal with, or want to deal with, loss or high stress situations. They may not have known how much it was going to hurt.
Fathers have said that it was important for them to worry less about how they should have felt, and just deal with the reality of how it really did feel for them
REFERENCE & ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
This information was prepared for SMS4dads by Red Nose
Richard’s research revealed possible long-term negative impacts on the children of dads with mental health issues. Fathers’ depressive symptoms in the first year after the birth predicted behaviour problems in their children years later.
“If dads’ mental health has such a dramatic impact then we need to be screening dads for depression, not just mums,” Richard explains.
In response to these limitations, Richard and his team have designed a smart-phone based program that allows mobile connection for new and expectant dads.
Participants receive texts containing information and links, and self-report their mood. If the mood tracker identifies dads as needing extra support, they will be offered a phone call from a counsellor trained in this area.
Following the success of the pilot of the SMS4dads program, Funding was received to enable a National roll-out.
“When dad’s miss antenatal classes or activities, they also miss out on contact and links to other people. They may never get the chance to say to anyone, look I’m really stressed,” he points out.
“SMS4dads is a way of bringing dads into the health system and keeping them linked in with services and support,” explains Richard.
Richard credits a varied career, a talented and innovative team, and much life experience for affording him the insight needed to address the challenges related to actively engaging dads.
After completing his masters in Medical Science, studying epidemiology, Richard earned his PhD focusing on fathers and attachment.
“Fathers are invisible in many places, and that is endemic. Not because people dislike fathers, but because the system is set up to be focused on mothers.”
Some services and organisations are aware of the need to engage dads, but have been unsuccessful in their attempts.
“When people are challenged about this, they generally want dads involved,” Richard affirms.
“Often, however, they just don’t know how to do it.”
Richard works with health professionals on issues related to fathers, and has delivered many antenatal programs for expectant dads.
He credits his own family with giving him an understanding of the role of fathers needed to make his work relevant.
“I have three daughters and two stepdaughters,”
“My kids would say they taught me just about everything I know and they’d be right. They’ve taught me a lot, and still do.”
Richard’s research revealed possible long-term negative impacts on the children of dads with mental health issues. Fathers’ depressive symptoms in the first year after the birth predicted behaviour problems in their children years later.
“If dads’ mental health has such a dramatic impact then we need to be screening dads for depression, not just mums,” Richard explains.
In response to these limitations, Richard and his team have designed a smart-phone based program that allows mobile connection for new and expectant dads.
Participants receive texts containing information and links, and self-report their mood. If the mood tracker identifies dads as needing extra support, they will be offered a phone call from a counsellor trained in this area.
Following the success of the pilot of the SMS4dads program, Funding was received to enable a National roll-out.
“When dad’s miss antenatal classes or activities, they also miss out on contact and links to other people. They may never get the chance to say to anyone, look I’m really stressed,” he points out.
“SMS4dads is a way of bringing dads into the health system and keeping them linked in with services and support,” explains Richard.